Take a CEU in marriage

Often times in counseling I have these "aha!" moments. I've realized over the years that I am pretty decent at thinking quickly and coming up with responses quickly. I learned last year that this is a strength and when I'm able to lean into I do even better with using it. But that's a post for another time. This particular day I was counseling a couple. They were really struggling in their marriage, even contemplating terminating the marriage. They came in this day with a new idea - they were actually going to work on their marriage. They spoke of how things just stopped working. They stopped really seeing each other. They stopped trying.

In many professions you have to take continuing education classes. I went to grad school and got a degree so that I could work in my profession. I then had to work under a supervisor to help me make sure I was doing a good job until I got my own license. I now have to take continuing education classes throughout the year to make sure I stay up to date with techniques, ethics, etc. That's a lot to be able to do a job but so very needed.

So now you're like what does this have to do with anything. WELLLLLLLL....I really think that we need to have CEU (continuing education units) in marriage. We need to be skilling up. We need to find out what motivates and inspires our spouse. Once we get married the learning isn't over. Really it may just be starting. In grad school I really thought I knew a lot...and then I started working and found out I just knew the basics! When I married Mike I thought I knew him - and I did. But people change and grow and if I don't take a CEU in my marriage I lose it! That's when we start drawing apart. That's when our own interests take over the interest of the other. That's when I stop being a we and become a me again.

Take a CEU. Skill up with your spouse. Ask them what inspires them, what motivates them, what their goals and dreams are. Learn about your spouse now. Keep learning about your spouse. Just do it. It's good.

I'm a weirdo

Yesterday while I was running, I realized what a weirdo I am.  Now before you agree or disagree with that comment please understand that I'm not offended by this term. No - in fact, I embrace it.  Or at least I am learning to embrace it.  As I was getting ready to set off on my 7 mile run, I was deciding what to listen to. (see how I gloated about my 7 miles right then?) Unlike a lot of my cohort runners, I like to listen to podcasts.  See? It's weird right? So I pick out the podcast I want, plug in my headphones and start my run.  I picked The Brendon Show.  If you haven't listened to his show go listen. Now. Well, finish reading this and then go listen.

Before I knew it I had listened to 6 of his episodes (this may mean I'm a slow runner...).  But I hadn't just listened to the episodes, I had changed my life.  During that time I listened about creating energy, nurturing great relationships, being a master of discipline, connection and resilience.  I listened about excuses and the things we tell ourselves to not achieve our goals. I listened about developing vision and awareness.  As I was running and starting to really question my running ability and telling myself I am crazy for thinking I can just get back to running after an injury and run 7 miles, I listened to the podcast on self-doubt.  Whoa guys.  I know music is good and all but an hour and 20 minutes of self-development without kids interrupting is magical.

So while I was running I decided I was going to change my life.  I realize that I'm not all of a sudden going to grow into a beautiful butterfly.  I know it takes time.  I also know that one small change can completely change the trajectory of your life.  One small decision now can lead to a changed future. I heard once from a wise lady that the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago and the next best time is NOW.

In his show, Brendon talked about fears and walking people through those fears.  He spoke about how to move from one place to another you have to embrace who you are. You have to get over the embarrassment.  You have to stop getting upset by what others are saying about you or even what you are saying about yourself! That's my loose interpretation anyway. When we stop obsessing about how we will be seen by others you are able to start embracing who you truly are.  Let me say that again.  When I STOP obsessing about OTHERS thoughts about ME, I will be able to truly lean into who I really am and the person I AM.