Often times in counseling I have these "aha!" moments. I've realized over the years that I am pretty decent at thinking quickly and coming up with responses quickly. I learned last year that this is a strength and when I'm able to lean into I do even better with using it. But that's a post for another time. This particular day I was counseling a couple. They were really struggling in their marriage, even contemplating terminating the marriage. They came in this day with a new idea - they were actually going to work on their marriage. They spoke of how things just stopped working. They stopped really seeing each other. They stopped trying.
In many professions you have to take continuing education classes. I went to grad school and got a degree so that I could work in my profession. I then had to work under a supervisor to help me make sure I was doing a good job until I got my own license. I now have to take continuing education classes throughout the year to make sure I stay up to date with techniques, ethics, etc. That's a lot to be able to do a job but so very needed.
So now you're like what does this have to do with anything. WELLLLLLLL....I really think that we need to have CEU (continuing education units) in marriage. We need to be skilling up. We need to find out what motivates and inspires our spouse. Once we get married the learning isn't over. Really it may just be starting. In grad school I really thought I knew a lot...and then I started working and found out I just knew the basics! When I married Mike I thought I knew him - and I did. But people change and grow and if I don't take a CEU in my marriage I lose it! That's when we start drawing apart. That's when our own interests take over the interest of the other. That's when I stop being a we and become a me again.
Take a CEU. Skill up with your spouse. Ask them what inspires them, what motivates them, what their goals and dreams are. Learn about your spouse now. Keep learning about your spouse. Just do it. It's good.
